I didn’t have to worry so much about my grades. I wish I didn’t have to worry about money. I wish money wasn’t even an issue. I wish I knew where I was going in life, I wish I had a specific talent I could flaunt. 

I wish things were easier. But they aren’t, and that fucking sucks.

And that’s life.

I officially miss traveling. I hate being grounded.  I wish I had all the time in the world to do whatever I want and go wherever I want.

But sadly, I don’t. 

One day though.

Ugh. Seriously.. 

Just a bit of your fucking attention. 

Trying to have a damn conversation with you. But no.

Can’t even have your full and undivided attention. 

Fuck your shit.

I couldn’t be more appreciative of the friends I have in my life.They’re freakin’ amazing. 

I’m exhausted. A long day of volunteering, then school and work. My feet hurt. I just wanna crash and sleep. But I can’t, of course.

Because I have homework . .  Story of my life.

Whenever I see pictures or people on the street who are less fortunate than I am.. I get really sad. I get more emotional then I should. I don’t know why, but that sort of stuff alway gets to me. I feel bad, beyond bad actually. I feel helpless sometimes. But it reminds me to count my blessings. I have so much and I honestly do take it for granted sometimes.

There are people in this world who have nothing. But yet, they live a happier life then most of us. Which saddens me. Because they have less, but in fact, they have more. They are happy. What are we? Miserable. Surrounded by piles of useless materialistic junk.

In this society, a highly developed first World country, we feel deprived, always wanting more, wanting things faster, more efficient, more more more. When some third World countries, have nothing. Not even clean water, which WE take for granted everyday. 

But I guess, that’s not the individuals fault. There’s a reason why the rest of the World somewhat resents America. As Americans, we don’t realize how ignorant we are. We feel as though, this ignorance is bliss. But to others, we seem dumb, and arrogant. Because we never really see the how fortunate we actually are and how unfortunate the rest of the World is. 

It’s sad, but true. We all need to be exposed to some culture. To realize what we have is more than enough. To not take the little things, like clean water, a warm home, clothes on our backs for granted.

Maybe one day. 

I was driving home today and I had to take a left turn which involves in cutting infront of two lanes. I was in the center lane waiting, because there was a car blocking the path.

And I was like, oh I’ll just wait. Won’t be long.

But then, the car blocking tried to reverse, then 4 cars all reversed just so I could pass. 

I have hope in humanity. 

We’re just two different people, doing two different things..　

The hardest thing for me to wrap my head around is death. I don’t quite understand it, I actually don’t understand it at all. I don’t understand how someone can just disappear like that. To never come back again. How does that happen? I ask myself these questions that I can never seem to find answers too.

How can you go from seeing this person, smiling at you, laughing with you, holding you.. And the next, they’re just gone. Like that, just gone. There’s no way to talk to them, to see them one last time. To just feel their presences around you.. Nothing. It seems so simple, but the complexity of it is just baffling. 

I’m rambling. I don’t quite understand what I’m saying, but shit. Sigh.

There are some days I come home and I’m completely exhausted. I don’t want to do anything, when I know I have so much to do. I hate it, I hate knowing that I have work, but I just put it off because I’m just so exhausted.

But then again, I don’t really prioritize either. I want to have fun and go out before I do my work. Which is a horrible habit. . But I can’t help it. It’s terrible, but I really can’t help myself.

Sometimes, I think back, and I wish I would have just tried to graduate early while I had the motivation too. When I was a 4.0 student, with tons of motivation and what not. Now, shit…  If I’m passing. Kudos to me.

Damn, me. What happen to you.